Some hard parts

To add some seriousness to this blog (so our readers...uhum...don't think it's only about going crazy over making cute things for our little girls, and being a stay-at-home Mom only involves fun-stuff), I'll suggest, we start writing about some hard moments, too. So, what bothers me right now or what am I struggling with?

Just to name one: Food/Cooking

I would love to only offer organic food and local fresh vegetable, fruit and meat to Lenara. But a) living off the unemployment payments, I don't have enough money to buy most of those things b) it would mean I'd need much more time to go and pick up those things at the local farmers and c) there are 2 supermarkets (literally!) right behind my house, which is just too tempting. So sometimes I buy the organic label from Aldi, which I'm sure is not much organic, but I'm still hoping. The bad conciousness always stays in the back of my mind somehow though...

So I try to get lots of milk, fresh fruit and vegetable in my kid and less bread, cookies, noodles and candy. But the fact is, she loves bread, pretzels, cookies (at least I only give her the non-sugar ones), cake, ice-cream, chocolate... hurray, that makes her a normal kid, I guess. Still it sometimes feels like a personal failure - although I'm really trying to take it easy.

I cook lunch everyday to make sure she gets some vegetable and vitamins. But she usually picks out the noodles and meat and leaves the vegetable. Then I get all frustrated, bc it takes me a lot of effort to think of (more or less) healthy meals, to manage to have the ingredients in the house (although I only cook very simple stuff) and to actually cook it (meaning: not burning or over-cooking etc.). I'm not a cooking Mama (I'm rather a sewing, swinging type of Mama). I never used to cook a lot for myself before those Mama-days.

At work I made use of the offered business lunches in the area - or during those overwhelming times in the end of my working days, I used to forget to eat and only have one breakfast latte macchiato, one for lunch and one for dinner (sometimes another one at night, depending on how long I stayed). So all I want to say is, cooking is taking me a lot of energy and sometimes stresses me out.

Plus all the extra time I have to spend in the kitchen now. I hate it! Preparing breakfast while keeping Lenara entertained/involved and making sure, she can't reach any knives, hot water etc., having breakfast (which is fun as it includes my morning coffee and Lenara is a good breakfast eater), clearing off the table, cleaning up the kitchen, wiping off the kid, wiping off the table, wiping off the kitchen counter. A couple of hours later again: cooking while keeping Lenara involved/entertained and making sure she can't reach any knives, hot pots, oven etc. (you have to be so aware of everything), eating (which sometimes is not so much fun, as she doesn't eat much of my with-love-prepared food), clearing off the table, cleaning up the kitchen while keeping Lenara involved/entertained, doing dishes, wiping off the kid, wiping off the table, wiping off the kitchen counter, wiping the floor under the table. In the evening so far I've only been giving her the baby cereal, as I'm sick of having to prepare another meal. She hasn't complained so far - which I'm thankful for - so I'll stick to that for now. But baby cereal on the other end includes a lot of wiping again. Ahhh! On some days, I feel like, if I had to wipe one more square inch, I'd explode! And I should add, I'm not one of those super perfect extra-bling housewives... I just try to keep up with a household not too packed with dirt and germs and fruit flies (usually whenever my Mom comes and helps out in the kitchen, she finds something in the fridge or the cupboard which has gone bad... and every couple of weeks we have an invasion of fruit flies which is the result of me taking one or two easy days in the kitchen. I try to keep up on these things, but it's def not my specialty).

I never expected 3 meals at home for 2 people mean so much work!!! Thus, talking about a healthy diet, I realized the other day that Lenara is having a really healthy diet (more or less) compared to me. While I care so much about her, I don't care very much about my own diet. While she's having fruit, milk and a cheese-sandwiches in the morning, I have my coffee (with lots of sugar, of course) and a nutella or jam bread. For lunch we eat the same. But when I eat "dinner" after she's in bed, it sometimes happens to be 2 or 3 chocolate bars... which is not healthy, obviously, but at least it doesn't involve anymore wiping off anything. ;)

I know this doesn't sound extra-ordinary in any way - rather ridiculous. Every housewife and Mom has to take care of these things - and I keep thinking, I only have a 2 person household, I really shouldn't complain! But for my life, with my background and my personal talents, it just takes up too much energy that I'd love to spend on other ends... my opinion.

By the way: I signed up for a class "cooking for toddlers" - I don't remember when it will take place (one evening hopefully sometime soon), but I'm really hoping to get some more ideas, which will make my kitchen life easier.

[I was going to write on many small or big situations I'm struggling with, but this ended up to be a much longer post than I was planning on with just this first thing, that came to my mind... to be continued]