Friday, November 19, 2010

RE: Frustrating

This I typed in the comments' box, but it was too long, so here we go:
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I don't know if you remember the times, when I was so frustrated with Lenara not eating solids and sticking to Mommy's milk. I read ONE book which practically solved all my problems: My child won't eat! by Carlos Gonzales. You HAVE to get it, Jen! I swear! It will help you. Just read the Amazon comments and you'll know you're not alone. I loved this book and it literally changed my life (or rather my perspective!).



And the family counselor I talked to during that stage (more bc of other family problems) told me, if nursing is becoming a problem for one of the two (Mom and/or kid) something HAS to change - bc the tension inside will rise slowly and be bad for your relationship - worse than even not breastfeeding at all. So I started taking my awkward feeling about nursing very serious from then on. I couldn't stand the sucking feeling at my nipples anymore - very suddenly, which surprised me... and shocked me at the same time, bc I knew breastfeeding until the "babys" are 2 is a good thing and I WANTED to commit to it. That's why I was so torn. It turned out (after some talking with the counselor) that I had always denied and depreciated when toddler came running to their Moms and pulling up their shirts - helping themselves. I thought it was disgusting (before I had my child). I think I only saw this in movies or documentaries on TV though. But still. Unconciously it had become a basic value that I couldn't easily overcome by just KNOWING, it's a good thing for the child to nurse as long as possible. As soon as I took my feelings serious, it almost naturally happend that we only breastfed in the mornings and evenings and eventually stopped altogether. Without me having to force Lenara not to drink anymore or to take something from her, that she needed (which was my biggest fear!). It happened naturally and very peaceful. So it must have been a good point in time for both of us. We replaced the breastfeeding before sleeping with a bottle of cow's milk - our intimate time remained (and sharing our bed also was important to me in that matter bc I def wanted to keep the intimacy).

Mommy's milk is so rich, I could imagine, that's one reason why Olivia doesn't eat a lot. Lenara started eating (for real) only after I stopped breastfeeding altogether. Or have you tried only 3 meals a day? Lenara sometimes still doesn't eat a lot. And after some time I had figured out, that if I drop the in-between-meals (like crackers and apples between breakfast and lunch) she would eat better for the big meals. I rather offer "dessert" - some yoghurt, apples, raisins or something like that, if I have a feeling she might be hungry still. And also she won't eat a lot, when she's tired. Which is my current problem, as we have switched our routine from nap (11:30 to 2:30) then lunch to -> lunch (12:00) then nap (1 to 3), bc it's getting dark at 5 and we would never be able to see the sunlight for our afternoon walk, if we have lunch after nap time. By the time we get ready to go out, it's 4 at least. So now she's usually tired for lunch and doesn't eat... but I will try it another while. People say it takes 4 weeks to break a routine. Anyway, what was I saying about food?

Our day nanny (who has 4 own kids) one time said, that - as routines are so important for kids - for some it's also helpful to have the same kind of food for the specific meal, i.e. bread in the morning, one dish with side and dessert for lunch, cereal for dinner. So they know what time of the day it is (as orientation) and they learn how much they should eat in order not to get hungry before the next meal. Maybe (for sure!) Olivia knows by now that Mommy will offer 1 million things throughout the day and she doesn't see a reason to eat NOW. There are plenty of chances LATER. And my opinion (based on the book) is that children always eat as much as they really need - no need to worry.

Philipp's Mom keeps telling me, he never (never!) ate vegetables - no matter what she tried - and believe me, she has tried a lot. ;)) You'll know it! But he was a very healthy kid. Never sick or anything. So his body must have gotten whatever it needed from the rest of the food he ate. That's what helps me not to worry too much about Lenara not eating (what I think is) enough vegetables. I keep offering, which is important to me and I keep giving her chances to wittness that I eat those things - and like them too! ;) I can't force her to eat it. So that's all I can do.

And I admire you for sticking to healthy food. I'm trying too. But I keep finding myself making exceptions way too often lately (especially since grandmas and fathers always make exceptions as well. I find myself sometimes under pressure... so my daughter won't end up wanting to move out before her 2nd birthday, bc everyone else is treating her with "better" food... and toys... and gifts... but that will be another post). Anyway, all I wanted to say is, I know what you're talking about. And I put out everything I tried myself or heard... take it or leave it. ;))

Good luck! I hope it won't be so frustrating for you anymore very soon!

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