All I want for Christmas...

Lastnight, the scariest thing happened. I can't stop thinking about all the things that could have happened and also, how grateful that I am for the way things turned out. I can't not look away for a second. My little girl could've been badly injured, but she wasn't. We went to some friends' house in the Washington DC area. They had some toys out and I sat in front of the fireplace, just so Olivia didn't fall on the mesh wiring in front of the fireplace. The fireplace wasn't turned on (it was gas). As we were playing and talking and Olviia was playing, the husband turned on the fireplace and didn't say anything. It caught Olivia's eye and she went to touch it. Instead, something scared her and she only touched the guard. She was startled because she got burned on her hands and nose just a tiny bit. I mean, I don't know how it could have been so small. Olivia cried and we examined her. I got upset but tried not to direct at anyone. I was upset that Olivia was in David's line of vision when it happened. I was super upset at the idiotic thought that someone had to turn on the fireplace with a toddler around, AND not say anything. But mostly, I am/was upset at myself for not protecting my daughter.


David ran out right after the burn happened. He procured two items and a lollipop, which Olivia's little burned hand clenched so tight that I didn't know how I was going to get her to stop eating the giant lolly. But, I was so glad she was holding it and didn't seem to bother her.

It happened so fast. It was like one of those small little gaps in time that I just let my guard down for a second. Olivia cried and cried, mostly because we were so scared, I think. Also, I know how the smallest burns hurt and keep hurting when the coldness wears off, and then hurts again when something touches the fragile skin. My poor little baby's fragile skin. Olivia's fingertips have little lines on them. Her nose has a blister. David ran to the pharmacy to get some burn cream. We walked with Olivia out in the hallway of the apartment building just to get away from the scene of the crime. I got a couple of laughs from Olivia and that calmed my heart. David showed up and began an intense game of peek-a-boo, and Olivia giggled, which made my heart calm. I was so upset. So upset, like I didn't even want to be there anymore. I didn't want to go in and have dinner that they made (ya, I'm kinda an asshole) because I was only wanting to yell about their stupidity. When, it was my fault. I am the one responsible for my daughter, despite who else is around and despite what anyone else does.

Olivia has been doing so many new things lately. She wants to communicate so much. Our hands get guided and pulled on and pushed if she wants something. She waves our hands for us if she is too shy. And, she pushes our faces in the direction that she wants us to turn. Let me just restate, I was soooo upset. I was livid and tried to keep things in perspective. I know that everyone got to the "everything is okay" status faster than I did. David and I were out in the hall and all Olivia wanted was for us to kiss. She kept pushing our faces together and smiling, then laughing. How could we resist? I couldn't! We kissed and made up. We said some things that were kind of snappy toward each other but we did get a good lesson in "Mom, I'm fine, Dad, I'm fine"...relax, but not too much (when Olivia is around fire)!

So, I got all I wanted for Christmas. I do believe in miracles.