Christmas Day

It was a white Christmas.


Olivia just got one gift from us... I think she liked it.


Boone is enjoying the quilt I made for my daughter. I made it when I was 16.


We went out for breakfast. We came back and opened the presents from the grandparents. Napped. Then David made dinner.

Twas the Thai before Christmas...

It was the Thai before Christmas and all through the 'hood,
Santa was deciding who was criminal or good.
It was dark and nearly everything was closed,
so we went in the restaurant in our church clothes.

We parked in front of the big church so...
the likelihood of coming back to a busted car was low.
We both ordered Pad Thai, mine was mild and Dave's was spicy.
It wasn't a traditional dinner, but it tasted quite nicely.

With tummies full and with the candlelight service about to start,
we bundled up Miss Olivia, which you know is quite an art.
It was cold and dark and I was quite happy inside,
because it was David's idea to go to Christmas service and I thought to hear this I might have first died.

We sat in back just in case we needed to flee.
Instead we enjoyed the choir and sat in front of a kind family.
They were without little children and didn't take the church thing so seriously,
so with our child, they entertained her ferociously.

Olivia would play with them the game of take and share.
They laughed and kept her playing and happiness was in the air.
Olivia played on the entire church pew, and folks at ends blew her kisses, too.
We sang the first "Christ-ish" Christmas songs of the season, it was new.

Just Frosty the Snowman and Jingle Bells were sung before.
We didn't mean for Christ to be ignored.
At the end of the service it was late and we were sleepy,
so we left when Olivia saw the fire of the candles and was getting weepy.

We thanked the family behind us and fled,
and as a mom to the "Christmas Angel" (as the family behind us called her), I had visions of sugarplums dancing in my head.


**So, Christmas Eve is the big day in my family, too. Growing up, we opened a present in the evening after a large family dinner of traditional food. I liked the anticipation and I loved the food. So, this was very different to me and very impromptu. It was great. The stress was low, we went with the flow, and there was a great feeling to all of it. I loved that Olivia had a good time and was played with. also worried about Olivia being a bother to everyone, but had confirmation that it was fun to see Olivia so 'active and attentive to detail.'

There were parts that really made me laugh. I know we aren't supposed to laugh in church, but Olivia was so funny, I had to hold it in. We sang NOel...and Olivia kept shaking her head. She had done this before, but it's funny every time. The choir kept moving throughout the chapel (and was upstairs above us) and Olivia kept putting her hands up and gesturing "I don't know"...when they kept moving.

I loved that we just had in our minds that we were going to go to the pretty church with the red doors and we went and liked it. The pastor was young and delivered a great service. We came home and Olivia crashed and we stared at her for about 20 minutes and then went to sleep.

I had a yeast infection and a sinus infection and Christmas Eve still was awesome!










This was the only photo that we got of all three of us...

Surprise!

A new blog design!!! I just felt like doing something new... I was bored tonight (or rather, I'm trying to avoid doing long-overdue paper-work). Hope you like it. The background is from shabbyblogs.com. Check it out, they have really cute wallpapers. Maybe some day I'll find a surprise-design here... ;)

Love both

When we got home after the Christmas festivities at my parents', first thing Lenara took out Maruun (the new doll) and went to get her favorite doll Annabel. She hugged both of them dearly at the same time and said "love both" - as if she was introducing them to one another and reassuring those two babies that she loves both of them the same way.

Maybe I should add, she hasn't used the word "love" many times before. She has only said it twice after I told her I love her, she had said "love, too" (soooo special).

Recently I sometimes think about, if it's possible to love another baby as much as I love Lenara. I can't imagine that it's possible - bc she's the best. Yet, I know it must be possible somehow. It's like Lenara wanted to show me, how it works... amazing scene.

You are my sweet little teacher, Lenara! I adore you!

Christmas Memories 2010

I have a bottle of wine next to me (I decided against a glass, in the end only one more item I have to clean)... some left over christmas cookies... simfy (simply red style) turned on the headset (hope I'll still hear Lenara if she wakes up)... way of celebrating my evenings (lately)... and enjoying those last christmas hours. It all passed so quickly. Weeks and weeks of preparing, waiting, celebrating advent... a couple of hours and it's all done.

We had a nice quiet Christmas Eve this year. In Germany, Christmas Eve is the main day of the festivities. The schedule of this day is the most special Christmas tradition to me. We went downtown Kirchheim in the morning as there are booths selling hot wine punch, where lots of people meet (that's why I go, not bc of the wine... really). Usually lots of old schoolmates are in town as they visit their families. I was looking forward to it, as lately I felt quite socially isolated. Unfortunately the weather had turned bad in the morning (snow storm), which I guess is the reason, why I didn't see many old friends. Or maybe they showed up later, but I couldn't stay much longer as (we were all wet by then) and it was nap time. But I did see three dear friends and talked a bit, which was great.

Then we went to pick up my grandma and drove to my parents house (20 mins). I was happy, we didn't have a long trip, as the snow was quite bad to drive through. Maybe you happened to hear some German news which reported about the unusual heavy snow and the traffic chaos all over Germany on Christmas Eve. I like getting that much snow. But this amount in such a short time was really unusual. On the other hand, if it hadn't hit that hard so suddenly, we wouldn't have had a white Christmas - everything was green and brown in the morning. Unfortunately my other grandma and grandpa couldn't come (bc of health issues and the weather conditions). We had a small lunch at my parents' and Lenara and I took a nap.

After that my brother also arrived and we dressed up to go to church. I have to admit we never go to church during the year (for different reasons, but this would be another post). But Christmas without mass is not Christmas to me. It was the first time for Lenara to join us, which made it special. I had taken her to a choir concert in a church just recently, which lasted over an hour and Lenara loved to listen and she sat still on my lap the entire time. I was wondering how it would work this time. She walked around the church in the beginning as we went early. She inspected everything: the nativity scene in the front, the huge christmas tree, people arriving. I took her on my lap when mass started. But after a while she got unquiet. An old woman (really old) sat next to me and I was worried that we would disturb her. But instead she encouraged me to put Lenara down and let her walk around. While my family on the other side gave me serious looks and told me to take her back on my lap. I didn't really know what to do to be honest. I didn't want to disturb anyone. At the same time I wanted it to be a good experience for Lenara, too, as this was also supposed to be a children's mass. The old woman reassured me I should let her walk around and explore, which really calmed me down. I don't know what it was about this woman, but I could have hugged her for assuring me I was doing the right thing. Lenara explored the church. She went down the aisle to the back of the church and found more children who she connected with. They played quietly (doing faces at each other or whatever). I couldn't really see her from my seat anymore at one point, which first made me nervous. I kept turning around (which probably was the most disturbing part about the whole scene). But then I told myself, there are families back there, so they will also have an eye on her (like I automatically have an eye on any child in my view), there's nothing really that could happen. She kept walking up and down the aisle and instead of seeing angry faces like I expected, I saw many many faces (old and young) smiling at my little girl and enjoying the spirit of this little blonde angel. Those delighted faces are one of my favorite memories.

Then we walked back home through the snow. The church is just down the street. Flo and Lenara read a book while waiting for the "Christkind" (christ child), while my parents lit up the tree and prepared the gift giving. Then Lenara and I waited for the bell while sitting on the stairs. Just like my brother and I back in the day. I sang a christmas song to her and for the first time she repeated the word "Christkind" - which was also a very special moment to me. She wasn't excited as me as she didn't know what to expect. But I could tell she felt my anticipation and she enjoyed it. Then the little bell rang.

I guess seeing a child catching sight of the christmas tree and all the gifts and the ceremonial atmosphere... can't be topped by many things. I was so happy I could have cried. One ornament on the tree (a heart) caught her attention and she tried to get it in her hands many times that night. I hadn't wrapped Maruun (the doll), so she was one of the first gifts she discovered. Seeing Lenara picking her up and holding her tight was another about-to-cry-moment. I liked that we didn't have a crazy amount of gifts. Lenara enjoyed unwrapping. She did it very carefully. I loved watching her little hands be so gentle. She loved all her gifts. But her favorite is a watercolor set. She took it everywhere and opened and closed it all the time, reorganizing the colors. This fact is special to me too, as this was a gift from an anonymous donor. We were invited to take part in a social programme (see pics and learn more about it here - GER) where the kids of low-income families could write down one wish, which was put on a Christmas tree in a store downtown and people willing to donor a gift could pick up the wishes. A couple of days before christmas I picked up this anonymous gift. The sight of this room full (!!!) of donored gifts for children almost made me cry as well - bc of all the love and generousity being present through the gifts and bc I realized we belong to the poor people around here right now, which makes me sad and usually I try to avoid thinking about it.

Another special and funny Christmas memory 2010: After dinner Lenara played another little while with her new gifts. Then I told her we should pick up the toys before going to bed. I asked her to put Maruun in bed (meaning, wrap her in a scarf like she found her). Lenara clearly seemed to understand. She turned around, whiped out the wooden (brand new!) nativity scene - Maria, Joseph, baby jesus, donkey, cow... woooosh! Not taking out one by one, but - WOOOOOSH! Then she placed Maruun in the little house and covered her with the scarf! I don't know how she came up with this idea. But she went forward with her action so straight and confident... it was hilarious. Later my Mom put all the figures in the lego building - our interim nativity scene. Why buy an expensive wooden one, if lego does the same job??! ;)

I think those will be the most special memories of this year's Christmas Eve.











P.S. There are more and better pics - but not on my camera. :(
P.P.S. I just got them...

Christmas - finally!!!

That pretty much says everything, I wanted to post today! Jen, I'm glad you had the idea of doing a blog together. By now it means so much to me. I'm so grateful for our families' friendship ACROSS THE MILES.

God bless you all.
LOVE,
From Kerstin & Lenara

Christmas Eve

The stockings are hung and stuffed, but this wasn't the case 2 years ago. Our minds were going a zillion places per minute and we couldn't sleep because of all the excitement, but it wasn't about Santa's imminent arrival, but our baby's arrival!
David's father was ill with lung cancer and we left Kyrgyzstan to come be with him. There were a lot of things that were up in the air, but we got grounded very quickly with this news.

You see, the first year that we were married, we did a lot of planning. We thought things through and we thought that we knew how things would go. But, no matter how much we planned, we couldn't expect that on the first Christmas Eve of our marriage, we would be in a doctor's office, listening to our soon-to-be daughter's heartbeat for the very first time. And, that this would forever change our remembrance and thoughts about Christmas Eves in the future.

So, that little heartbeat is now a 16 month old who runs and tries to hop and screams and babbles. She examines every little thing, and every little discrepancy. She loves everything and we love her with everything we are and everything we've got. Going back to those first days of pregnancy, I really approached it all so tentatively, having had two previous miscarriages. I think somehow, I was in question that this mass in my stomach would invariably turn into a human being with her own thoughts and body. Then, when I saw that heartbeat, I knew that I worked. That this baby was not just a fetus, that it was a baby to me and that I would be holding her in less than 8 months from that day. And, it was exactly 8 months from that very day. I knew it. I knew her strength and spirit. I felt her.

There's something that binds a mother to her baby(ies). There's a science to it. I feel when I should go check on her, and so do other mothers. There are a lot of people celebrating a certain little baby tonight and into tomorrow. I am not making this about Olivia, but the power and impact that one person can have on others, and I feel that, down to my core and know that it is true.
(Of course, doing the math, means that this little person will become 2 years old in just 8 months! Wow!)






Merry Christmas, Olivia.

Love, Mommy

Location:Maryland

Sledding!

Hot Stuff!

We love 70s funk!

RE: Playgroup

This meant to be a comment:

It's great that you do that! Hmmm... ideas... here's our routine: arrive between 9-9.15, sit together in a circle and sing hello song (each kid is welcomed individually with its name, and the specific kid is playing with a triangle. It's fun to watch how the kids have learnt how to play the triangle each week a little better and now they do it on their own, and can't wait until it's their turn), 3 more gesture games/stories/songs (the same each time, so the kids have time to learn and join the Moms continually), 9:30 free play (while Moms start chatting at the same time) and one activity is offered (finger painting on different items is big, we did baking, and I posted most of the other things), 9:50 pick up toys then song to go wash hands, kids and Moms build a long chain and go to bathroom, 10 sit together for snack (we start after a rhyme where a dwarf and 3 animals appear, we have real puppets and each animal hopps around the table from kid to kid, they absolutely LOVE passing them on!), Mom discussion starts automatically (no specific topics, whatever comes up, funnily we are usually struggling with the same things at the same time), around 10:30 kids get up and free play (the instructor watching them), us Moms stay at the table and do some more chatting (it's really all about us chatting!!!!), 2 Moms go to clean dishes, 10:50 pick up time again, playing swing with each kid in a blanket and the specific song (u saw my pics), circle again with everyone, one more (gesture)game (I will post one soon) and good bye song. 11 over. I guess the most amazing part is to watch the kids be excited for every single song (they know which one will be next), learn the songs bit by bit and do their own gestures (very same routine every time), they also interact more and more with each other and learn each others names (free play) plus they have many toys (different from home). We also have an email list, which we use to share information, pics, book recommendations, events, organize birthday gifts etc. You could also do a parcour - our last playgroup used to be in a gym with lots of things to climb over etc. You could make a drumset (empty can, span rubber baloon across opening, papier mâché all over to fix it, color, tie two together), Lenara loves to put things in a cardboard tube (from carpet) as a tunnel (cars, blocks, anything, she tries to find out what fits in the hole), its fun if you have it run down from the couch or two people (kid + Mom) holding it (vary speed), Lenara loves to organize postcards... hmm that's my input for now. ;)

P.S. of course we add some seasonal flavor each week - I forgot to mention. Like we have been having Advent decoration on the table and sing one advent song before having breakfast together. Or we had fall decoration and a lantern walk song (a couple of times) or made the leave circle (remember my post?). Or we went out to play in the snow.

Playgroup

I think that I mentioned before that we host a playdate at our house once a week. It usually has about 4 or 5 moms and their children in attendance. I plan a fun activity or art project each week.
It's only been going on for 6 weeks or so, but it's been really great to have it in our weekly routine. It also gives a time where Olivia sees other children play with her toys (and her mom). It gives her mom (me) a chance to host, something I love to do, and socialize.
Admittedly, one of the reasons I like it at my house is so that way i don't have to drive to get to a playgroup, Olivia can be on time for her nap, and it makes me clean the house. Truth is out.

It has let me use some ideas that i loved about teaching. It isn't all that i had hoped for, as there are days where lots of kids are fussy and last week moms stayed until 13:30' when it was supposed to end at 11:30.

Anyway, we did pudding finger painting one week out in the sun. This also led to some playing in the bubbles when hand washing started. Timing was good, as it was one of the last sunny days without an accompanying cold wind. This is Olivia's good friend, Aidan and Olivia's diapered bum.


We planned to do Baby Yoga for one of the days but everyone kept talking so we'll do it in the future. Here's Olivia doing a Downward Facing Dog.


I didn't take pictures every week, but here's a list of our activities (I think i have the order right?)

Week 1: intros and free play
Week 2: Discussion about sleep. Art: footprints on canvas (kids were all about 13 months old and just beginning to walk)
Week 3: Discussion about eating. Art: pudding finger paints. We made a custard and added food coloring and the kids finger painted. As long as it dries thoroughly, it's fine to frame it.
Week 4: free play. I think only one person came.
Week 5: Toy Swap and baby yoga (which didn't happen). For toy swap each mom brought a couple bigger toys or a bag of smaller toys to trade with someone else for a week.

That's about it. Future ideas are brewing.

Any suggestions? I know you have had some good playgroups that you and Lenara went to. Do you still attend that?

I thought about:
-Felting (but i need to learn how to do it first. Oh, and I'm going to wait until Olivia stops eating everything she gets her paws on).
-beanbag toss (to practice throwing)
-Snow day (make snowmen and play in the snow)
-fruit leather making (again, I need to learn how to do this before i attempt it)
-I think next week we will do some sort of Christmas activity (nativity dress up?)

Ideally, I'd like to have a routine like:
9:30 arrive and some sort of hello song
9:40 story
9:50 Mom & me activity options (like dancing and/or craft, bubbles,art)
10:00 Mom discussion (topic of the week)
10:15 Snack/Lunch
10:30-11:00 play and chat
11:15: some sort of goodbye song...
Leave!!! (nap time)

This coming Tuesday will be the last one of the year...

Location:Maryland

Blue Christmas Time

As much as I love the Advent and Christmas time, as much it's hitting me again that I'm alone and I'm feeling this deep sadness about the family I had once pictured, but which never happened... I hope there will be a time when Christmas time is just a peaceful loving holiday in my heart again.

Christmas with a Toddler!

You know you have a toddler at Christmas when...
You sing "Noel, Noel..." and your toddler is shaking here head violently and waving he finger. We don't even say "no" because we dont want her to say it. It's encoded i n their toddler souls!
Poinsettias are pretty poisonous and Olivia thinks its okay to eat flowers since she eats leafy spinach, so we've kept poinsettias out of the house this year.
This is what the behind-the-scenes looked l like when we were taking Christmas photos.





I could only get Olivia to sit still holding a book...just so happened we just got a Christmas book. No kidding--it wasn't planned to get the photo. I was actually resigned on the photos we had (in the fireplace)...ugh, that w use as a book place since the duct is sealed closed.


Boone kept getting in the way since he is so curious.


Finally...


And, I love it!

All I want for Christmas...

Lastnight, the scariest thing happened. I can't stop thinking about all the things that could have happened and also, how grateful that I am for the way things turned out. I can't not look away for a second. My little girl could've been badly injured, but she wasn't. We went to some friends' house in the Washington DC area. They had some toys out and I sat in front of the fireplace, just so Olivia didn't fall on the mesh wiring in front of the fireplace. The fireplace wasn't turned on (it was gas). As we were playing and talking and Olviia was playing, the husband turned on the fireplace and didn't say anything. It caught Olivia's eye and she went to touch it. Instead, something scared her and she only touched the guard. She was startled because she got burned on her hands and nose just a tiny bit. I mean, I don't know how it could have been so small. Olivia cried and we examined her. I got upset but tried not to direct at anyone. I was upset that Olivia was in David's line of vision when it happened. I was super upset at the idiotic thought that someone had to turn on the fireplace with a toddler around, AND not say anything. But mostly, I am/was upset at myself for not protecting my daughter.


David ran out right after the burn happened. He procured two items and a lollipop, which Olivia's little burned hand clenched so tight that I didn't know how I was going to get her to stop eating the giant lolly. But, I was so glad she was holding it and didn't seem to bother her.

It happened so fast. It was like one of those small little gaps in time that I just let my guard down for a second. Olivia cried and cried, mostly because we were so scared, I think. Also, I know how the smallest burns hurt and keep hurting when the coldness wears off, and then hurts again when something touches the fragile skin. My poor little baby's fragile skin. Olivia's fingertips have little lines on them. Her nose has a blister. David ran to the pharmacy to get some burn cream. We walked with Olivia out in the hallway of the apartment building just to get away from the scene of the crime. I got a couple of laughs from Olivia and that calmed my heart. David showed up and began an intense game of peek-a-boo, and Olivia giggled, which made my heart calm. I was so upset. So upset, like I didn't even want to be there anymore. I didn't want to go in and have dinner that they made (ya, I'm kinda an asshole) because I was only wanting to yell about their stupidity. When, it was my fault. I am the one responsible for my daughter, despite who else is around and despite what anyone else does.

Olivia has been doing so many new things lately. She wants to communicate so much. Our hands get guided and pulled on and pushed if she wants something. She waves our hands for us if she is too shy. And, she pushes our faces in the direction that she wants us to turn. Let me just restate, I was soooo upset. I was livid and tried to keep things in perspective. I know that everyone got to the "everything is okay" status faster than I did. David and I were out in the hall and all Olivia wanted was for us to kiss. She kept pushing our faces together and smiling, then laughing. How could we resist? I couldn't! We kissed and made up. We said some things that were kind of snappy toward each other but we did get a good lesson in "Mom, I'm fine, Dad, I'm fine"...relax, but not too much (when Olivia is around fire)!

So, I got all I wanted for Christmas. I do believe in miracles.

Big News (Doll Making Part V)

I tried to finish the hair today - and first big news: I'm running out of hair to finish the hairstyle I was planning on! Ahhh! So I thought about my options: A) ordering more yarn and hoping it will be here on time (last delivery took more than 2 weeks) or B) doing a different hairstyle. Eventually I went for the ponytail style and a parting on one side - as you can see in the pictures. It's still a bit wild and not as "well-behaved" as I imagined a ponytail in the beginning. This way I just had to add strings of hair around the far outline of the wig - and not all over. I'm not stitching the hairstyle tight and securely to the head yet, as first I want to make sure, this hairstyle works for Lenara playing with it. If there are any disadvantages to it, I can still change it (after ordering more yarn, of course).

But, second big news are even B-I-G-G-E-R - by finishing the hairstyle a name popped up in my head - out of nowhere! I have no idea, how I came up with it. And I don't think I've ever heard of it as a girl's name before (I'm quite sure though, it is a girls name). During the day today I was actually convinced that since I put out "Lizzy" last week, there'd be no way of changing it again - since I've been thinking of "Lizzy" being hidden behind my couch all this time until now. Funny, now that her real name got revealed, I can't see "Lizzy" in her anymore. ;)

Tataaataaaaa:

Hi, I'm MARUUN (Maroon), Lenara's best friend!

What do you think? I had to look up the word as I wasn't quite sure, what it means. I like the meaning of the noun. But I'm not so happy with the verb. Do you think it matters? I chose a German way of spelling it, just bc she's German. I made it up, never seen it before. So in the end, I think it's just bc of her somewhat German-North American origin (*smile*). I can see people ask me (and Lenara): "why has your doll such a weird name?" and I feel bad... bc I really have no idea. Is it my fault, that the revelation said Maruun?

Up next:
- sew buttons on the pants
- finish crochetting coat, sew together
- maybe crochetting shoes/socks
- is that it?
- oh, and find a nice box to wrap her

I feel bad, is it ok, to hide a little blonde girl rolled up in an old sweater behind my couch for weeks and then put her in a dark box? Seriously I feel guilty every time I wrap her in the sweater... (I'm alone too often, it's too obvious now that I said it).

Candle Glass

Easy to make: ripped transparent paper (make sure, it doesn't lose its color like our's), glue paste, old glass (cup, jam or whatever).

L. didn't concentrate on it for a long time. It worked best, when she put the glue on the glass and I put the paper on it.

The blue fingers after were a big hit - although I wouldn't really recommend it. We used the wrong paper and the color hasn't come of for days... ;))

Tea Party continued

Window Winter Wonderland

Hey, I have lunch ready b-e-f-o-r-e I pick up Lenara from Daycare! That's a first! Yeah! Super-Mom! (Explaining: Usually I almost forget to pick her up, make her wait when we get home while I improvise some "lunch"... or whatever.)

And here is our new window decoration I meant to post for a while. Paper and cottonballs - 20 Min. project. I love it!